Monday, September 12, 2005

A lesson in shitstirring

Why do people shitstir eachother so much?

The human condition is predominantly set on benign mode, but every once in a while we find immense joy in letting things degenerate into malignent mode. I often hear "well, that's only because he/she is so insecure that he/she is shitstirring so much"......complete crap, I say.
We love to backstab people. It's in our nature to do so. Evolution has always favored the most hansom and stong specimens set forth to secure our reproduction. Today evolution has been taken over of by lab-rats, DNA-sequencing and a varia of scientific engagement. What left to inscribe human nature? Shitstirring...shitstirring...shitstirring!

I propose a social evolution based on shitstirring.
Where one would rise to the top of the ranks simply by admitting that the way that was made available to reach it, was paved with a plethora of broken knives stuck into the backs of many many people that you know, or at least wished that you knew.

My top 5 list to create hell for your friend/s on a typical day, based on an abundance of shitstirring.

  1. Wake up before your partner on your day off. Leave the house and write a note saying in the simplest terms "I'm soo disappointed!" Turn off your cellphone for the rest of the day, then when you come back, pretend that nothing, absolutely nothing has happened.
  2. When you get to your place of choice to have brunch/lunch, leave a pile of cash on the table BEFORE you order. Tell the waitress that "this is your tip, if you fuck up I will deduct from this pile, until I see fit what your service level is worth". When you leave, bring all the cash with you, regardless if she was nice or not.
  3. Be constantly asking the person you talk to the same question he/she has asked you and when they get really irritated, answer "I don't know" everything.
  4. Be rude at the supermarket, preferably about something to do with pricing or something. If they snap back at you, go find a family-pack jar of honey and "accidently" drop on the floor. "I'm soooo sorry"...bye bye. Better yet; buy an enormous amount of food and stuff, knowing you can't afford it and ring the whole thing up at the cashwrap, just to realise that you don't have the money. Get the loaf of bread and the cigarettes and leave the rest.
  5. Tell your boss that your colleague at work was seen in a pornoshop, buying the movie "Frau Schmidt mit ein Donkey" the other that not a "preverse" movie?

End of lesson.


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